The Aftermath of Happiness.

This is a new piece that I wrote...its' been a while since I've written and this is a product of mixed emotions. It's not completely finished but when are anyones' feelings completed.

I’ve been there. In the corner with me, myself, and I. Surrounded by the pieces of my broken better yet shredded heart, the smell of pungent alcohol traced vomit in my hair, and your name slowly leaving my mouth in the most disheartening way. The aftermath of the happiness is…the only clear and logical way I can depict my life at this time. About 6 months of alcoholic nights and sloppy love making and I’m still here better yet “there” in the aftermath of happiness. When that buzz wears off and you keep drowning yourself in hard liquor trying to get that feeling back, When you feel intimacy with someone and you urn for their touch one more time, but you then realize that it was just a one night thing, not an eternity. You’re basically chasing a feeling that you will never reach…but you reach that feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you want more, that disgusting thought that you could actually be genuinely happy…that feeling that nothing in this life will ever make sense or even just go your way. That is how I feel day to day.  I am dissatisfied with life all the time yet, I feel so much joy in my times of lonesomeness. I still laugh more than I breathe, and I don’t know if it’s a coping method but today…Today my earth is shaken. Today I feel like I stand alone, I miss your touch. I had more of you than I wanted a couple months ago, and in these past 3 weeks I haven’t missed anyone’s touch more than yours. Plot twist, you’re not the only one on my mind. I’m stuck on someone else, and I don’t really know how to let him go. He left his mark on my heart and after months of no communication and you and I’s bickering ways he has walked back in and it’s not all on him because I acted and let him in. He is in, my soul and I don’t think I’ll ever let him go. This doesn’t mean I don’t like you, but he has been there since all of this started he was the beginning of the aftermath of happiness. He was the happiness and he left me in the aftermath of a 10.0 earthquake that shook me up, and left me mangled between the pieces of my own heart. Left me logged in his every move, I didn’t feel complete without his bleak smile. I didn’t feel complete until he looked at me with those dreary eyes, blankly looking into mine that were flooded with undesirable tears that couldn’t quite yet fall, until he turned away and went along with his day. I can’t leave him alone.